Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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