we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
