I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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