so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
