Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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