How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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