Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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