the condom got lost in my hair
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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