Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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