Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
