Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
