Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
