I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize