The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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