Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
