I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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