she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
