so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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