i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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