So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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