im holly from the hills drunk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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