My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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