whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
