i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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