i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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