Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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