oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
