i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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