Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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