I met the friendliest cop last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
