i think i have herpe
just one?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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