Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
