YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Randomize
