What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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