Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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