Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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