I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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