Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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