I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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