NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
