i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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