the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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