peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
