Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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