I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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