Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
