he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
