This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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