Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
