I could make wine with my vomit
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize