Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
