Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
