how can u be prego again
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
