he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
