Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
