Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
