just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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