Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
