I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
