Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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