My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
