Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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