The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
