He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
