Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
