DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
