Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
