Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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