So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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