We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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