I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
