he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
