The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
