i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Randomize
