So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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