Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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