I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
