two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
