6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
