So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I skipped work to stalk him.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
