I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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