The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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